plea

all has turned to ashes

everything has changed

i cannot live

another day

within the confines

of this self-constructed hell

there is no safe passage out

there is no turning back time

i am fully entangled

in bitterness

and lonliness

and the distaste of my own actions

i have become

what i swore to forever loathe

and i want

none of the options

set before me

i want

something yet unseen

there must be a door,

a window unconsidered

i am sick in the depths of my soul

it manifests as pain

and difficulty swallowing

and defeat

tears are no recourse

though they fall freely

i forbid them

for they solve nothing

i am betrayed by my own heart

i am slave to my own ambitions

i am tired

i want only 

open sky

fathomless waters

inky darkness of unconciousness

take me 

from here

i beg

 

 

 

madness

searing flames well up within

boiling over 

and spilling from the eyes

forced to watch you leave

despite the assurances that you will return

i cannot breathe as you walk away

my heart ceases to beat

i am drowning in sorrow and loss

 

 

happy to hear you breathing

to listen to a rant

to follow you along your tangents

just to feel near you

i close my eyes and imagine your sweet breath

warming my ear

 

 

i sit

and wait

avoiding life and duties

anxious for the moment you will return

wanting to be poised and ready 

greeting you with a smile

and a skip of my heart.

 

desperate for your nearness

desperate for your touch

your smell

your smile

your lips

your hands

adoring you at every moment

consumed by longing 

aflame with passion

cheeks wet with tears

or eyes bright with delight

there is no balance

…yet.

escape

“I want you in my arms, resting your head on my shoulder, breathing in unison…”

                                                                                           ~Lover

 

searing florescent box of marble and misery

i am 

imprisoned.

i open wide the windows;

no light reaches my cell.

no breeze cools my skin.

no sun warms my face.

then:

unexpected radiance

enveloping my weary soul

and i am 

released

snow white wings of adoration

greet the sky

with jubilation

joyful song

erupts from lips

still warm from the memory of your kiss

 

 

 

celebration

of life

of love

of learning

another year wiser

another year closer 

to understanding

another year this world has been blessed by your existence

i love you

walk

timid foot, why do you hesitate?

every step

is movement

even when it seems to be a confused semi-feint

at least you are not

stagnant.

explorers

hell bent on self sabotage

two broken vessels

must learn to be the patch

the other needs

or else sink

fathoms

ink blue blackness

burial of solitude

amongst the masses

we must forge a new path

an undefined existence

charting a new course

following the stars

as men have for millennia

even now

i hear the cries from above

filtering down through silk and sky:

Land!

ashes

the loathsome sunlight is mocking my shattered heart

I would shoot it from the sky

if I had but the means

i am wasted and spent

dry husk of flesh and sorrow

you have asked

I give freely

alive

intensely connected through color and sound

I cling to your straight shoulders

experiencing a connection otherworldly

the summit arrives and I am momentarily breathless

finding solace in your solidity

amidst the abstract semi-reality in which I partake

you smile and allow my silent review

you tolerate my distracting touch

I revel in your body, your smell, the feel of your skin, the beat of your heart

making love to you in my soul

even while surrounded by hundreds

the music rises and falls, undulating in sync with the rise and fall of my own body’s responses

I find myself leaning towards the source of the energy

threatening to lose myself completely to the drug of unconsciousness

but you firmly arrest my departure

securing me within your circle of love and strength.

I am more deeply connected to you now than ever.

 

soul

kindled anew

plaintively seeking warm sun

the clean liquid gold

of a freshly wakened spring

tiny green ember of hope

shining forth from icy soil

long forgotten

Will you bloom again, O herald of rebirth?

Reveal your tender rosy flesh

and risk the fauna

But risk the fauna

and life may find you!

radiant with color

create again

returning fruits to the soil

whence you came.

another step

pain radiates outward

stem to stern

waves of anger

red like smoking bowls of crimson high

soul scream; protest

boycott the prepared mind

I wait for your release

patient lover, committed

the walls cave with luminescent weight

I bathe in  ardour

fervent, you rage

broken and bold

sincerity defines the moment

and I can hear your plea:

Us.